The Ten Commandments for developing a sincere and persuasive personality are
these:
1. Thou shalt
determine to develop the art of sincerity.
2.
Thou
shalt observe other sincere and persuasive people and learn from them.
3.
Thou
shalt ask questions to find out more about people.
4.
Thou shalt seek to make other people feel important and self-sufficient.
5.
Thou
shalt talk in terms of what will benefit and help the other person.
6.
Thou shalt give honest and sincere praise about the other person in every way you
can.
7.
Thou
shalt yield a point in any discussion rather than lose a friend.
8.
Thou shalt never stoop to argue with another person.
9.
Thou
shalt seek to leave a favorable and sincere opinion of yourself by the other
person.
10. Thou shalt be
tactful and gracious in all that you say.
The
practice of these principles is not going to be easy because they are the changing of many years of habits, however, the many benefits you will receive
are worth the effort.
Disarming
the other person can well be done by giving praise and sincere appreciation; regardless of how hostile
or difficult the other person is, your giving
him praise will bring him around to being your friend. Let me suggest some
rules on giving praise:
1.
Be sure it is sincere and not false flattery. In order to prove your sincerity, give reasons for your
statement of praise. For example, "I
enjoy doing business with your company
for many years now because:
a. The
efficiency by which you operate all of your
affairs.
b. Your honesty, for you have always
lived up to every statement you have made.
c. You people seem to delight in
giving service."
2. Praise
the act or action or the trait of the individual
rather than just themselves.
3.
Praise indirectly as well as directly. If you tell a man he has an
efficient secretary, he will tell her what you said, and she'll be much
warmer toward you the next
time you want an appointment with her boss.
4. Use
praise as a challenge to greater achievement.
5. Expect people to be shocked. The sound of police sirens carries much further than the sound of church
bells. It is easy to be negative. People expect criticism. Most of them are
negative and most people practice criticism,
therefore, they're surprised to get praise.
6.
Write letters of praise. Upon writing an associate a letter of
praise for work well done, I was amazed to find that he framed the letter
and hung it on the wall of
his office, he was so appreciative.
7.
Where
possible, give public praise for individuals or units of the organization.
The
story is told that one of Abraham Lincoln's advisors, urgently recommended a
candidate for appointment to Lincoln's cabinet, but Lincoln declined to
follow his friend's suggestion. When asked to give his reason Lincoln said, "I don't like
the man's face." "But the poor man
is not responsible for his face," insisted his supporter.
"Every man over 40 is responsible for his face," Lincoln replied.
This
new habit of developing appreciation will not be cultivated overnight. It
takes time, but as you learn to use it, you will be amazed at the impressions, you will
make upon people and the wonderful response you will have back from them. You will find it a wonderful way to disarm
hostility.
Sterne said,
"Inward sincerity will of course influence
the outward deportment; where the one is wanting,
there is great reason to suspect the absence of the other." He is saying here that we cannot turn sincerity on and off; we must cultivate it as a
way of life. Therefore, when we learn
to sincerely give praise and appreciation for little things, we will
develop the capacity to give it later in big things.
Charles
Dickens said, "A word in earnest is better than a
speech." And Froude said, "Of all the evils abroad at
this hour in the world, insincerity is the most
dangerous." There was never a greater example of that than
when the Japanese peace ambassadors, who were here in late November or early in December,
1941, professed their nation's sincere desire for peace while at that •very time a great armada was
on its way to bomb Pearl Harbor and other American bases in the Pacific. What gross insincerity!
Blake said, "Always
be ready to speak your mind, and the evil man will avoid you." By sincere
action, we do drive insincere people away and we definitely learn how to disarm
our potential enemies as well as actual enemies." Practice sincerity and you'll become
a popular person.
